Thoughts on being an adult

being an adult I feel like these past couple of weeks have been some of the most grown up of my life. We booked our wedding and made a budget spreadsheet and ordered save the dates. We signed our lives away and exchanged contracts ready to complete on our very own home on Friday. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my career and professional development and what I'd like my next role to be. Heck, we even talked about making a will (this actually happened).

And yet, weirdly, I still don't really feel like an adult. My bedroom floor is strewn with clothes and mugs, the same way it was when I was a teenager living at home. I've been late for work at least once a week due to the fact that me and the snooze button are in a committed relationship. My daily outfit choices are usually based around what's clean/not on the floor, rather than creating some sort of sassy put together looks. I still ring my Mum for advice on 99% of the decisions I make. It feels like I'm still just pretending to be a grown up.

I'm starting to realise how my grandparents feel when they say they still feel like their 18. I always thought that by the time I was in mid twenties I would feel like I had my shit together and be super organised and in the know. I feel like a fraud when I have to Google basic grown up things like how to get pizza stains out of t-shirts and how long you can keep cooked food in the fridge for without giving yourself food poisoning. I have been completely clueless at every stage of the house buying process and honestly don't know how we would have managed without all of the advice and explanations online.

I feel like the government should produce some sort of manual with instructions on growing up. It should include things like how to be a good dinner party guest and how to properly file important documents rather than just shoving them all in a box and hoping you can find them when you need them again. There could be a chapter on "how you know you're ready to enter a long term finanical commitment with your significant other" and "how to get over the weirdness of planning a wedding when you swear you were just starting uni two seconds ago".

I've talked to my friends about this and it seems like everyone pretty much feels the same. I think that no matter how much grown up stuff happens to me, I'll still always be 17 year old me in my head. Albeit a version of 17 year old me who drinks much more tea and secretly really enjoys a weekend with no plans. I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling like a fraudulent adult?