It's Okay To Not Be Okay
I apologise in advance if today's post is a bit long and rambly. I can already sense that it's going to be one of those word vomit ones, a post that's more about processing what's going on in my own head rather than delivering any sort of meaningful message. I'm really good at projecting a vibe that implies I'm capable and coping and happy. Usually that vibe is totally authentic - I'm an upbeat, optimistic, bright side of life kind of person, and 9 times out of 10, I am absolutely fine and dandy. But when I'm not, I really struggle to admit that, and I struggle even more to communicate that to people.
I hate being vulnerable. I hate showing any signs of weakness. I don't really know why - I just do.
And above anything else, I really hate letting people down or making them worry about me. I like to be the fixer, the problem solver, the one who can sort things out. I like to help rather than be helped.
But I'm realising recently that sometimes you need the help. Sometimes you need to put your hands up and say that you can't do everything or that you need a time out. Sometimes you need to lean on the people around you, whether that be friends, family or colleagues, in order to keep your sanity in check.
I suppose what I'm saying is, it's okay to not be okay all the time.
There's no shame in not being okay sometimes. In fact, quite the opposite. Putting your hand up and asking for help when the pressure is getting a little bit too much is a show of strength, not a sign of weakness.
I'm guessing that this is something a lot of you already know. But it's fairly new news to me.
I'm used to doing everything, agreeing to every social commitment, taking on extra responsibilities at work, challenging myself with new hobbies in my spare time. And I love love love doing that.
But I'm learning that sometimes I need to give myself enough space to let my mind calm down a bit. Sometimes I need to cancel the post work dinner and drinks in order to just sit in the bath and process the day's events. Sometimes it's more beneficial to reschedule that weekend trip in favour of just milling about in my PJs at home.
And I'm realising that when that happens, I don't need to make myself feel guilty about letting other people down or worry about seeming weak or flaky.
The people who love us and care about us want, more than anything, to help. It sounds obvious, but sometimes we forget that.
I suppose all I'm trying to say is, if you're struggling, with too much work or too many social commitments or a to do list that's longer than your arm, it's okay to admit that. Talk to your best mate about it, or your partner, or your Mum. Reprioritise your schedule and your to do list and remind yourself that you don't have to do everything all the time.
And then light all your candles and treat yourself to a Lush bath bomb and a good book and spend a bit of time hiding away from it all. It really helps, I promise.