Remembering My Nan

It's been three years today since we lost this magnificent woman. I can hardly believe so much time has passed since I last held her hand or told her I loved her. Time is weird, isn't it? So much has happened to our family since my nan passed away. New babies have been born that she never got to meet. There have been new jobs and boyfriends and wedding plans and houses that we never got to tell her about. And there has been a life changing tragedy, an earth shattering loss that made us miss her more than ever.

I'm a different person to the one I was when my nan died on January 14th, 2014. Three very full years have passed. But she still feels so massively present in my life. I still think about her whenever I buy fresh flowers for the dining table or drive home for the weekend. I can still hear her voice telling me how proud she is whenever I achieve something, no matter how small.

My nan might not have been here while my family and I have been trying to muddle our way through the past five months, but the way we have pulled tighter together, the way we have held each other up and drawn each other close - that's all her. We have known how to cope, how to keep on going, because of the things she taught us.  She might not have been here to hug us tightly or wipe away the tears, or even to shed tears of her own, but the lessons we learnt from her have been the ones we have relied on.

Because my nan taught us that being part of a family meant unconditional love. She taught us that it meant showing up and shouldering the tough times side by side. She taught us how to listen, how to comfort each other. She taught us that joy could always be found in the laughter of little ones. Those lessons have saved us.

But, perhaps most importantly of all, she taught us that we could survive anything so long as we stick together.

And stick together we have. I've always known that my family were special, that not everyone got on with their relatives quite as much as I did. Put experiencing such tragedy and loss together has made me realise that the close bond we share is incredibly unique. And it was my nan who created that bond. It was her that brought us all together.

Her biggest legacy now that she is gone is that the love she gave us, the love that bonded us all, only continues to grow bigger, to be ever more present in our lives.

So thank you, Nan. Thank you for everything you ever taught us. Thank you for all that love you smothered us with. Thank you for making us the family that we are.

We still miss you every single day. We will forever wish you were here with us. But trust me when I tell you that this family of yours - we're doing you proud.