Making joyful decisions
Something I’ve observed from years of coaching people, having conversations with people about living their most joyful lives, and my own experiences as well is that you cannot live a joyful life if you are making your decisions out of fear.
So often, we make decisions in our life from a place of worry, anxiety or fear, which holds us back from joy. But if we can shift to making our decisions from a place of hope, optimism and joy, life becomes a whole lot better. This is something that now feels really intuitive to me, and I wanted to delve into how we make decisions, and how we make them play into living a more joyful life.
In this post, I’m going to explore what making a decision from a place of fear looks like, and how we can start to make more joyful decisions.
What does making a decision out of fear look like?
So, what does making a decision out of fear actually look like? Let’s start with some examples;
It could be staying in a job you hate because you’re scared of change, and what that might look like
Pehaps you’re staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve you because you are scared of being alone or no longer fitting in with a certain group
It could be this idea of shaving off your edges and trying to make yourself more ‘palatable’ so you’re accepted by others
Or it could simply be that you always choose the safe path, instead of embracing all of the glorious, messy joy available to you
I want you to spend a couple of moments thinking about some of the big decisions you’ve made in your life - it could be what you chose to study at college or university, the jobs you’ve decided to apply for, or even the holidays you’ve chosen, where you decided to live or how you choose to spend your time.
I want you to ask yourself, when you made those decisions, did you make them out of a place where you were really prioritising your joy, or did you make them from a place of fear? Did you take the path you were itching to take, or did you choose, the safe, familiar, comfortable path?
What I know to be true is that when we make decisions from a place of fear, we can’t can’t access our most joyful lives because we are constantly underselling ourselves, mistrusting our intuition, and putting ourselves at the bottom of the pile. We are saying to ourselves, “I’ll just have a little bit, I don’t need this glorious, technicolour, messy, joyful lif, I’ll just have this small bit that feels safe”.
And that is dangerous, because when we make a habit of overriding what we truly want or taking the safe path, we can get to the point where we realise that we’ve been living our lives on autopilot. We start to think “how did I end up with this job?” or “how did I end up with this sort of life?”. And often, the answer is because we’ve made decisions from a place of fear, played it safe, protected ourselves and listened to the negative thoughts in our mind.
How to start making joyful decisions
So we understand the downsides of letting fear rule our decision making, but how do we start to make decisions that feel more joyful to us? Let me share some practical tips…
Utilise your body’s knowledge
Often when we’re trying to make decisions, we come from a very logical and rational place. We might write a pros and cons list, or explore how we think things are going to play out, and the impact our decision might have. We engage in a cognitive process, and trust that knowledge and facts are all we need to make the right choice.
But a useful way to explore whether you’re making decisions from a place of joy or fear is to drop down into your body. Think about a decision that’s coming up for you or that you might have to make in the not too distant future, and try and think about the options you have available to you. Then, notice how your body feels and reacts as you explore each option.
So, as an example, let’s think about work. Think about staying in the job you’re in for the next five years - how does that feel in your body? Does it feel heavy, or light? Do your shoulders start to relax or tense up? Then consider a different option. Imagine being two years down the line and working in a different type of job, or retraining, or having applied for something that might have caught your eye and felt a little scary. How does it feel to explore that option? What sensations can you feel in your body? Try to notice the different ways your body reacts to the different options.
This isn’t to say that making decisions from a place of joy doesn’t feel scary - it often does - but it might feel different in your body. For example, the fear of staying put, or the fear of taking the safe option might feel very heavy, it might feel claustrophobic or tense. Whereas the idea of taking a more joyful option might feel lighter or more energising, even if the butterflies are still there.
Get specific on what your fear is
Often we put ourselves off exploring different options because of fear, but it’s rare that we actually get to the root of what it is that we’re scared of.
I worked with a client recently who had to make a decision about moving to a new location, and as we explore the idea of moving, she said to me “I’d love to live there, but I know I’ll never do it or make it happen because it’s too scary”. However, when we started digging into her fear, using questions to peel back the layers, we could see there wasn’t a specific fear there, it was just a cloud or energy that she’d built up.
So, when we start to get specific about the fears we might have, it can help us minimise them, which helps us shift out from the fear and into the joy. There are two main benefits of getting specific on your fear, which are;
It helps you to acknowledge whether there actually is anything to be scared of. Often when we think logically, there isn’t as much to worry about as we might initially feel.
It’s going to let you know what the scary things actually are, so you can put a plan in place. You don’t need to make a knee-jerk reaction if there is a genuine fear - instead, you can take logical steps to overcome that fear.
So, ask yourself - what is it that you’re actually scared of?
Use worst case vs best case scenarios
This is a build on the previous activity and the idea is that when we’re making decisions, it can be useful to get clear on what the worst case scenario could be.
Start by making a list of everything that could go wrong if you make a certain decision - this might feel very counter-intuitive, but this exercise can often show us that even the worst case scenario isn’t as bad as ouur brain and body is telling us.
Then, once you’re clear on the worst case scenario, ask yourself what the very best case scenario would be. What would happen if you made the decision, and everything went as well as it could possibly go? This is usually the part of the process that we leave out, but it’s really important for us to explore both ends of the spectrum.
Once you have a clear picture of the best and worst cases, you can start to make a more measured decision about whether your desired choice feels worth the risk, instead of simply letting the fear of the worst case take over.
Zoom out
My last tip is a simple one: zoom out. Often when we’re close to something, everything feels very urgent, heavy and scary, which makes it much easier to make a decision out of fear.
So zoom out. What will you be glad that you did in a year's time? What will you be glad that you did in five years time? What will you be glad that you did in fifty years time?
Zooming out gives us some perspective and allows us to rationalise and realise that perhaps things aren’t as bad or as scary or as intimidating as they feel in the moment.
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Would you say you make decisions out of fear or from a place of joy? Let me know if you use any of these tips to start making joyful decisions!