What are you scared of?

A few weeks ago I spent some time in Anglesey, hanging out at my in-laws house. About 100 metres from their drive is a quiet beach, and for as long as she has lived here, my mother-in-law has walked the short distance and plunged herself into the sea for a quick swim each day.

For years, I've watched as she'd return from the beach, skin glistening with salty water, and felt envious of the joy this ritual so clearly brings. I ached for the refreshed, energised feeling she’d wax lyrical about, but I was always too scared to join her. You see, while I've always loved swimming, I feared the sea - you can't always see what lurks beneath your feet, and that freaked me out. Plus: jellyfish. We'd often see jellyfish washed up on the shore when we walked at low tide, and the thought of being stung by one kept me well away from the water.

That was until 2020. After months of being cooped up at home, staring at the same four walls, retreating to Anglesey in the late summer felt like such a treat. And I felt braver - it had been so long since we had experienced something new, and so I pulled on my swimming costume and tiptoed into the water with my mother-in-law and my husband.

The water was warm and we could see fish jumping all around us, their silver scales glistening in the light. The sunlight reflected in the waves, and we had a perfect view of the mountains in the distance. We swam for a little while, splashed around and laughed, and then, as we were making our way back to the shore my worst fear came true - I was stung by a jellyfish.

My first reaction was to panic. The anxious part of my brain swung into action, almost gloating as it reminded me "I told you this wasn't safe". But once that passed, another realisation followed it - it really wasn't that bad. I had a tiny red mark on my forearm that itched and burned a little, but it was no worse than a graze or a bruise, especially once I'd cleaned it and applied a little lotion.

I've swam in that same bay at least 30 times since, and never again have I been stung. But that experience taught me something - sometimes the things we’re scared of aren’t all that scary after all. And ultimately, when we let our fears drive our decision making, we deprive ourselves of joy. 

Fear is primal - it's only objective is to keep us from doing something that our brain deems unsafe. But a lot of the time, that fear kicks in without all of the information. It feels the threat, and it instantly reacts. It doesn't pause to consider that on the other side of the threat lies joy or love or connection or success. We can’t take our fear at face value, because when we do, we make poor decisions. 

You might feel scared of starting a new hobby because you're worried about what other people will think. But what about the fulfilment and growth you'll take from learning something new?

You might fear exploring a career change because you're worried about the uncertainty it will bring. But what about the success, joy and opportunities that are waiting for you?

You might be scared to show your vulnerability to someone because it leaves you feeling exposed. But what about the deeper connection and love that lies on the other side of that vulnerability?

I’m not saying that your fears are completely unfounded. I was scared of getting stung, and I did get stung. But my fear wasn’t proportionate to the outcome. And it certainly wasn’t worth denying myself joy in order to avoid it.

Today, take some time to consider what you’re scared of. What are the fears that are keeping you frozen or holding you back in some way? And then, consider what could lie on the other side of your fear. What joy is available to you if you find a little courage?